Long Time Sickness

I have been sick for a long time. For more than a year I have mean nauseous and barely eating. The doctors all tell me that I am either anorexic (but I like and enjoy eating) or perfectly healthy. I've had my blood checked and my guts radiated to no avail.

My doctors have written me off. Meanwhile, almost every day and night I am sick to my stomach. There are nights when I cannot go to sleep until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning because laying down makes me feel like vomiting.

My quality of life has diminished along with my weight over the last year. I used to take my boys to the park and play outside everyday. Now, I'm fearful of leaving the house because I'm afraid of throwing up in public. I used to walk everywhere now if I walk more than a half mile I feel sick. My garden has become a chore simply because bending over makes me sick and light headed.

I have finally started forcing myself to eat. I am not sure if it is helping me feel less sick less often. Every morning I have a serving of protein (usually a scrambled egg), a dairy (either cheese in the egg or a yogurt), and a fiber. I then try to remember to drink water and have a snack. Even my love of coffee cannot be indulged everyday. Somedays I am too sick to stand the smell of coffee. Lunch is usually a grain with a protein, a vegetable, and a fruit. I try to get in another dairy product (rarely plain milk) as a snack. The last few weeks I've been eating grape tomatoes because I have a plethora of them in my front yard! Dinner is usually skipped because I am too sick. I cook and can barely contain myself as I finish the cooking.

Is this all in my head? Am I really fine, but just stressed? Am I anorexic but in denial? I don't know. I'm not sure of anything anymore other than my passion for food has began to waiver.

Today I ate a piece and a half of buttered whole wheat toast, a container of blueberry yogurt, 2 cups of coffee (yea), a one ounce portion of beef (broiled then baked), some macaroni and cheese, and a scrambled egg. I know that is not nearly enough to sustain me, but it was all I could consume for today. I also drank about 3 glasses of water (each glass is 2 servings). Tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe we'll make it to the park...